On my day off I took my car in to get fixed (LIKE A GROWNUP!), walked home from the car place (didn't plan that out super well, but at least the weather was great today!), baked some bread and... this happened:
I gave that ornery wine bottle what-for by chugging the rest of what didn't wind up in my carpet.
The experience has taught me that you can fit approximately one whole bottle of wine into a roll of paper towels.